Newton's 4th Law - Language Undefined.

it's here

2008-10-04T07:49:42Z

My last entry was 16 weeks ago...that's, what, 16/4 = 4months? 4months ago I was enjoying the start of my summer holidays....=) or maybe not..think i was more annoyed cos i was working at a job i didnt really enjoy. Working everyday..not a pleasant thing at all.

What's changed? This sem is plain crazy man. Im taking insane modules, Im working, Im sooo behind time for my school work, im not so active in BE anymore (sad!!) and im so-so active in P @ W. well, cos our awesomeness is just too much haha. No, kidding. I love P @ W but leadership wise im not so sure. sometimes i feel like telling them,if we cant handle it den let's not do it. It's really great we're pushing ourselves (or maybe the same few people) and being so rar-rar and active and yayness but..honestly, sometimes it just sucks. I love P @ W because I love animals. That's all.

Im working at a florist. It's a nice place. can get pretty busy sometimes..quite alot of admin work to do. my job description was Accountant/Admin at first. Didnt know that consisted of.....ANYTHING THAT CONCERNS WRITING AND A COMPUTER. which is, btw, everything except wrapping the flowers. I do accounts - payables, debtors, statements, summary, breakdowns. I do data entry. I take orders, internet, phone. I do payment transactions and refund transactions. I settle other admin stuff like, generate invoices, answer phone calls, file lots and lots of stuff, i clean out the admin desk sometimes. i check the mail. I AM BASICALLY IT MAN. LOL. And i go in once (or twice, when month ends to close accounts) a week, 5hours at a time. Usually wed after marketing class, or before marketing class...whichever suits my schedule better. Month end i'll go on Wed and Sunday. I like sunday cos it's a little less busy. haha...tt's when i prefer going to work, so i dont have to waste time printing orders (tt includes msg cards too btw, which can be a pain sometimes)

Even though it can get quite overwhelming sometimes, (with all e workload) working at a florist is an awesome experience =) sometimes i wish i was the florist. seems like a simpler job..i mean,if im good with flowers and wrapping lah. Heh. Cos basically tt's ALL i have to do. dont have to worry about accounts, about printing statements about calling about faxing, dont have to worry about NETS transactions, dont have to worry about expenses/payables blahblah. HAIZ. just have to happily wrap my flowers. no pressure! \

But I guess it has its bad sides too sometimes..i know. when orders are overwhelming and ure the only florist around..Ha. not good.

and im bored. I shld be studying now but im doing stupid things like lj-ing. oh, i shld be shot.

Byebye.

Im in Melbourne!

2008-06-13T15:41:25Z

lalalala im in melbourne with my bestest best girlfriend =))) heehee.

best times!

``larcenciel

examss..and more!

2008-04-11T19:13:26Z

YAY exams are coming!

Im saying YAY because that means MUGGING CAN END SOON!

im sooo psyched for that!

and after that, catch up w all my old friends, it's CCA time! PAW and BE =) settle PAW plans for this year. settle E&B tshirt, BE PR - GV and TWC2 partnership. Olympic Dream (which has been renamed to smthg else,oops cant really rmbr haha) programme stuff. yess. and then EXERCISE. i decided i shall attempt to erm, JOG and SWIM?? lol. i dont know how im gonna go about doing either though =X hmm, using the limbs would be a good start i guess. also, im gonna WORK. in May. not sure where yet though.. ahh, i really dont feel like working..cos it'll mean all the weekdays will be sucked up by work. i do want some weekdays and weekends off too. wish i cld do a like,4 day job thing. but then again, i would love to work my butt off to earn as much dough as possible to spend in melb in june =))

hee..yes. in june, i'll be jetting off to melb!! SO GOOD RIGHT? =D im really excited!

although she'll be having exams...well, kinda. i think.... at least i get to see her soon!

yay. once these finals are overr...such wonderful plans lay ahead! c'mon microecons...get in my head alreade so i can be ready for the paper!

good luck to all with exams =))

larcenciel04 @ 2008-04-03T23:36:00

2008-04-03T15:45:41Z

I join the queue on your answerphone
And all i am - is holding breath
Just pick up i know you're there
Can't you hear - i'm not myself

Oh go ahead and lie to me
You could say anything
Small talk will be - just fine
Your voice is everything
We owe it to love
And it all depends on you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
It's love on the line can you handle it

So how do i do normal
The smile i fake - the permanent wave of
Cue cards and fix it kits
Can't you tell - i'm not myself

I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
(I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling)
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
(It's love on the line can you handle it?)

So listen up
Look at me straight
Just hear me out
Don't make me wait
I'm not myself
I can't take this
Love's on the line
Is that your final answer

I love this song... =) and the loveless amv is just amazing.. oh my goodness. sighh, i love shounen ai anime =)) -dreamy smile...

Besides nice nice amvs, my life has been rather okay...(except for... u-know-what) presentations, projects, written reports ALL OVER. (well twc is due tmr at 5pm but considered over..since we've finished it)

after this, no excuse to not study anymore! oops XD i need to start revising microecons! have i told u, im totally DOOOMED for it? it's worse than MFE i swear.... =X argh.

i need to STUDY.

but im soo distracted by PAW, BE and LTB... =X love them though =))

school can be sweeet sometimes.

then the exams make it horrible again.-_-

`larcenciel

parasite

2008-03-10T14:05:51Z

RANT RANT RANT.

FOR FRIENDS ONLY.

i know i have

2008-02-24T16:36:04Z

Have you ever stood in the middle of a huge crowded area, where everyone's pushing and shoving and elbowing each other, where everyone's too caught up in their own little lives, where everyone has their own place to go to, their own story to finish, their own friends to meet, where everyone's too busy to notice each other, and just walking on?

Have you ever stood in the middle of a huge crowded area, yet feeling like there isnt really anyone there, there isnt really anybody pushing and shoving, there isnt really anyone with a life, there isnt really anyone with a place to go, with friends to meet, with a story to finish, there isnt really anyone who's really busy, who really has something to care about? and everyone's like u, just standing in the middle of nowhere, just wondering and wondering and wondering, where should they go next? what should they do next? And does it even matter?

But have you ever felt sooo full, so complete and so good even when ure standing all alone. all alone under the empty cloudless sky. all alone outside ur house, all alone on the poorly lit street. all alone yet not really feeling alone because u noe there really is that someone in ur life, that makes ur life a real life. that makes ur story real enough to complete. that makes u feel busy enough, that makes ur place real enough to go to?

that makes ur life worth living?

I know I have.

Even though she's miles and miles and MILESSSSSS away. =))

together again

2008-02-16T17:15:56Z

I guess it's time for my obligatory girlfriend takes off blogpost again.

yesterday wasnt as bad as last year's. i remember the wrench in my heart that just couldnt go away. That choking feeling that makes it so hard to breathe. That pain inside me, dont even know where exactly it's coming from. it takes over, and the bloody tears just cant stop falling.

this time, there were tears too. but it wasnt like last year's. this year, it was more like, mini pricks here and there. a longgg heartache but there was a sweet feeling to it. there was an optimism that somehow, wasnt really there last year - only a few days after. I remember just before going to the airport i tried to freeze time. i just kept trying and trying to count every second, feel every single moment that passed in hope tt if i reminded myself of how time was passing at that moment, it would somehow slow it down. then she wouldnt be leaving so early. i felt every fibre of me willing for time to stop, to slow down, at the very least. but somehow, time just flew by even quicker. the more i tried to slow it down, the faster it went. why?

and it was time to say goodbye. so fast, so fast... why? why so fast? oh darling, i missed u from the moment i stepped on the long escalator. i hated the feeling of turning back and watching u slowly disappear from my sight. i hated that i couldnt run back up to u, run into ur arms and feel u close to me. i hate that no matter how hard i tried, i cldnt stop time. i cldnt see more of u. and that with each moment that passes, it meant being further away from u. could u hear my heartbeat? could u hear it stop when we were saying goodbye? that last moment, it was o heartbreaking yet beautiful. u looked so beautiful u noe that? standing there, smiling...even though i know inside ure crying. and i just broke down.

i wanted to run back up soo bad. but i cldnt and didnt. no matter..soon i'll be travelling up that escalator..and we'll be together again.

=) i love u!

``larcenciel

all the small and big things

2007-12-25T17:24:17Z

Yikes. Once again, I have abandoned larcenciel04 (im sorry baby i really didnt mean to) but ive been doing lotsa of other random stuff lately that i havent been able to think about things seriously...seriously enough to lj enough, u noe?

so what has happened since my last entry? well, school has been out for quite some time...results are out. on average i got B+ that comes up to 3.51 GPA. it's alright for me, not fantastically fantastic but not that horrible either. ive always been quite mediocore anyway. the only disappointment was Creative Thinking. The B was retarded. I guess im not THAT creative after all. But i was pleasantly surprised with my A- for stats =) heh. u must understand that although the finals was CRAZILY simple i felt that i screwed up every SINGLE question. I didnt study stats (im dead serious) i spent ALL my time on Maths for econs.

i also went to HONG KONG! oh that was brilliant =)) enjoyed myself thoroughly! even though ayron can be quite a pain sometimes..haha. but he still took really good care of all of us so im super thankful. gee, if he wasnt there, i dont think we'd saved so much cash! =) i spent 1.1k for everything in total. quite a cheap holiday i would say, for 6days. accommodation was really the cheapest! 20bucks a night! and it was a decent place too, attached toilet, two beds, clean, in a good location, safe etc. really good stuff.

being in Hk also made me realise how lousy singapore really is.

but oh well, not enough to make me wanna emo on about singapore in my blog. waste of perfectly good webspace. dont really care lah..whatever. im getting outta this place when i can.

ok blahblahblah....oh yah! girlfriend has come back too! =) haha..that has to be the best news. as soon as i touched down in singapore i switched my hp on to call my mom to fetch me from the airport and then i saw an sms telling me that my gf's singapore no tried calling me yday! OMGGGGGG that was my reaction i quickly dialed her no and she picked up the phone i was sooooo ECSTATIC! great great surprise. and that moment of seeing her for the first time in 6months was completely worth the wait.

and my bday was come and gone, yet again. im 19 now! hurray. but i dont really feel the difference between 18 and 19 so yeah,anything lah. but bdays are always good. for some reason getting bday msges, calls, sms-es, cards, well-wishes just make me feel so remembered and loved =) it's a nice feeling.

and then xmas has passed too. it was awesome...although i do feel a huge belly now from all that eating at the dinner party just now. wow, the turkey, the ham, the lamb, the salads, the bread, the prawns, WHO COULD PASS UP? arghh..but now i gotta find a way to get rid of this tum =X oops.

yup and that's about it. school's starting in about 2weeks. yikes...dont really wanna think about it but OH WELL. what to do? school will start eventually ANYWAY. and i feel like im alreade enjoying all i can. with people i love around me, with friends, family, food...wahh what more can i ask for!

oh, yah, that pair of gorgeous black skinnies from emily! Yeah, that would complete everything ;P

haha, Merry xmas!!

``larcenciel

resignations

2007-11-19T18:04:45Z

Recently ive taken to agreeing with whatever comes my way,

"I dont think being gay is right," they'll say

"I absolutely agree. Dont u think me being gay makes me so much less of a person?"

There is no 'hoping for acceptance' when i come out anymore. Im just gonna work towards being self-sufficient, being pretty well-to-do and being able to live on my own with little problem. and that's it. parents dont have to know, other random family members dont have to know, colleagues dont have to know, friends dont have to know either. no one needs to know. if they do 'accidentally' find out then too bad.

i wanna move out asap, because i dont want my parents to have to grapple with facing me, their living failure, everyday.

``larcenciel

girlfriend blues

2007-11-12T17:32:19Z

why cant girlfriend just quickly get her butt back home!!!!!!!!! =(((((

sigh... i miss her so much.

just another 1.5 months. YES. i can do it.

bleaghh.

All the Difference

2007-10-27T17:29:16Z

I guess the 377A has caused some sort of a debate, hasnt it? the thing about not repealing it, is all the stupid reasons and excuses given. what is so wrong with repealing it, seriously? if it's not gonna be vigorously enforced, or enforced for that matter, then why even have it in the first place? to appease WHO?? the general public? why would they even care? and let's say we have a law that so openly discriminates because the majority of the public wants it to be there. that's just so stupid isnt it? since when were we accommodating to the majority man?? -_- i thought the minorities were supposed to have some sorta special rights or smthg?

anyway, i cant stand it when they said, OH, if we repeal it soon we'll have to legalise same sex unions, paedophiles, incest etc etc. just ridiculous. havent they ever heard of FALLACY OF SLIPPERY SLOPE?! prof shld go teach the govt some AS skills man.... i wish they'd stop cooking up excuses. u noe, if theyre so bent on supressing then SO BE IT. FINE. we'll just keep fighting and fighting for change. AND THE WORST IS THAT THEY ACTUALLY WANTED US TO LIKE, SHUT UP AND BACK DOWN they said, the more u try to resist, the stronger will be the comeback from anti-gay groups. it's called fricking SINGAPOREAN MENTALITY u noe? just sit ard and wait and wait and wait and hope everything will be a-okay. ACTIVISM is what effects change. ACTIVISM is what gets things done. ACTIVISM is what drives evolution. it's neccessary. we've been stuck in a rigid mindset and world that thrives on discrimination for far too long. and we need that change....we need that ommphh, we need to take the bloody TUCK outta ourselves!!

because really, what makes us different, is what makes all the difference.

``larcenciel

come out come out wherever you are

2007-10-12T19:54:37Z

I dont know why i have to 'come out'. i should not even have a closet or whatever drab box to 'come out' of in the first place. i think that if they knew what it was like to be closeted, to be trapped and bounded by such rigidness and suffocating 'ideals' they wouldnt treat us this way anymore. I have to approach people with caution, I cant flaunt my gayness so openly and freely. I cant say That girl is hot, My gf likes that, without drawing weird looks, without causing people around me to draw some kind of stupid stereotypical judgment about my sexuality, which btw, is goddamned fluid shit ok.

it would still be ok if they kept this judgment to themselves and not act on it. but the active/vocal ones are always the more narrowminded ones. that reminds me, perhaps i shld have used this statistics - no of ppl who discriminate against gays and no of narrowminded people. i'll bet on my frickin lesbo life that it's a directly proportional relation.

writing my AS essay got me 'thinking', in a bad, emo sorta way. with people like moral absolutists (another word for RIGID, of course) of course there'd be such things like discrimination around! because whatever they say is 'absolute' whatever they believe in is infinitely true and there can be no adjustment. they just cant grow up and change.

what are they so afraid of losing? they have everything... every single thing in their lives why are they so bent on destroying what others have?

i dont want to say im coming out, but one day maybe i'll have to blog abt something like, oh i came out today and my parents disowned me. or my family hates me. or my boss fired me cos he found out i was lesbo. or some other shit thing like that. it's just ridiculous. what, suddenly every other thing about me just disappears? and suddenly im not a friend, a daughter, a good worker, a reasonably nice person anymore?just cos i prefer girls? not as if there are many other choices lor...

it's all so stupid really...so so stupid. cant believe i have to 'succumb' to it in the end and say, hey, i came out today and it was......

``larcenciel

personality disorder

2007-10-06T09:47:57Z

write ten things people dont know about you
then tag 3 other people and see what you dont know about them

1. i have a personality disorder
2. i am horribly introverted
3. i prescribe my own medication (not just for flu, fever, cough but things like allergies and rashes too)
4. i have a long list of people i want to murder - i dont know any of them personally.
5. i get angry very easily
6. i just cover it up pretty well
7. i feel like im in a movie everytime i listen to my ipod
8. i cry very easily
9. and i hate myself for that
10. i think im balding

----

christabel tagged me.. and it just happened that i wanted to lj about something tt had to do with those 10 things.

i think i need help. i have a personality disorder. but i dont know who to turn to because i dont want too much help, i hate it when people give me excessive 'attention' (oh no are u ok leandra? do u need any help? what happened, why?) i took 5 different personality disorder tests online and i got the same result... i am most likely to have schizotypal or borderline disorders.

im so overly emotional it's scary. like yday during the creative thinking project exhibitions i almost cried at two exhibitions. yeah it's supposed to be moving, i guess...but who the fuck cries at these kinda things? and i watched a dogfighting documentary last night, i cried for almost the whole 50min of the show. it's sad yeah, but normal people dont just cry watching such things. i dont want to be so emotional either..it inteferes with so many things. i cant express my opinions properly cos im just too overwhelmed by sadness and all that shit i cant speak properly, and i just wanna run off and cry away. but i have so much to say against what i believe is completely wrong and cruel...but i cant...just cant... so freaking useless.

im sucha fucking crybaby, bawling asshole emo retard. shit.

``larcenciel

my yuri loves

2007-09-10T02:25:48Z

haI dont know why either, Im just soooo obsessed with Utena. When I napped on sat evening after watching Adolosence of Utena (the movie version) i dreamt of utena and anthy. and they were 'escaping' to the outside world in their car...lol. yes, the movie is weird. suddenly, utena shapeshifts/transforms into this batman-like pink race car and anthy rides her (no pun intended) outta the shitty world theyre trapped in and end up together.

well at least im not having nightmares about how they cant be together or weird stuff like what i dreamt of after i watched Brokeback. lol. i rmbr waking up from my dreams crying and crying like an idiot... =X i was so depressed, i even fell ill.

Anyway, Utena is a damn nice shoujo-ai anime! It's cute, unreal, it really eats into ur wildest imagination and it's full of metaphorical and symbolistic scenes/things/events it's weird and random at times, but at the end it evokes the familiar feeling of warmth and somehow, u know that u enjoyed the show even though u dont really get what's going on. it's like an unspoken ending that's understood by anyone and everyone who watches it. u just LIKE it. i have no idea why either...adolesence of utena seems so detached and strange and random and as we all know, most ppl just cant handle randomness ("ZOMGG What is the purpose of Life??") but surprisingly it creeps into ur depths and before u know it, u realise u like it.

another lesbian anime i like is kannazuki no miko. OMGGG that has to be the most EMO anime ever! LOL. like, 1 has to sacrifice the other for some resurrection to save the world or some other typically anime-hero stuff like that. so in order to make the sacrifice 'valid', 1 has to make the other hate her when she kills (sacrifices) her blahblah. so it's like, quite emo emo kind cos of the i-love-u-but-i-must-make-u-hate-me-and-u-must-kill-me kinda story. WHICH I TOTALLY HAF A WEAK SPOT FOR lol!! XD i dunno why..i just love watching such depressing yuri sometimes.

and of course, how can i forget that sailormoon couple? rofl. tt is the funniest lah. i got a total shock when i found out sailormoon had a lesbo couple! oh well. guess jap anime creators are pervs after all.

BYE! i shall go sleep now...haha. although it's just 1025am...XD i woke up early today, around 7plus plus...im sooo tired.

``larcenciel

Do You Work As a Scarecrow?

2007-09-04T16:53:10Z

met up with christabel last night, after PAW meeting..which was kinda short. haha. but what's good is that i know the people there all have a passion for helping animals and stuff like that, so it sits well with me =) we had dinner at some food court in marina square. we both had banmian...but i took like, 10years to finish it. we tried to "compete" obviously no competition lah...-_- she won HANDS DOWN. the auntie even 'chased' us outta the food court by pointedly asking in a serious and menacing voice, U STILL WANT TO EAT??!!? and then the aircon was switched off etc.

after that we had a stupid encounter with the mrt...some weirdo went to press the emergency stop. and then we wasted like, half an hour. im too lazy to talk about it lah...but anyway although we had to go through such miserable experiences it was great catching up with an old friend =))

ok im like, rolling my eyes now cos im listening to bbc radio and some guy (from the govt) is saying they shld increase 'restrictions'/grading of violent games, media stuff and internet etc stuff like that, cos it will affect the kids and whatnot.

looks like it's not just in singapore!! oh hurray. and now, some girl stabbed her older sister 10times or something. using carving knife..stabbed in the armpit. yikes. freaking scary.

``larcenciel

i played monopoly

2007-08-19T17:23:24Z

yay so i satisfied my craving for monopoly. joel, ayron, ayron's sis (jeanie or smthg) and i played spongebob monopoly at ayron's hse on fri evening. we had steamboat before that. apparently it was a mushroom steamboat pot theme... -_- tasted alright...the highlights were the BEEF and CHICKEN lol cos everything else were mushrooms... i mean, i dont exactly hate mushrooms but im not that big a fan either. lol. but for some reason i couldnt stop eating, lol. i seem to get hungrier the more i ate!

left his place at abt 10++ for macs. good thing we have a friend who can drive! =)) had ice cream at macs then ayron sent us all home. haha i just love going out with him.

ok so school officially STARTS tmr! i cant believe it...yes, i know im damn slow...cos when im just starting, all of my friends have ALREADY started...a long long time ago. luckily not so shocking yet, my lessons start at 515pm tmr, and theyre 1.5hours. hopefully i'll be ok.

i have to be! still have like, 3,4 years ahead of me =XX

but i really cant wait to join the broadcasting team! smthg to look forward to, at least =)

``larcenciel

the one with the lesbian survey

2007-08-04T17:09:13Z

From community.livejournal.com/lesbian

1. Are you sure of your sexual orientation? Or are you confused?:
i'll put it this way, if u were to pay me $10m to have sex with a guy i wouldnt. but i'll consider if the guy's jake gyllenhaal or hyesung from shinhwa

2. Are you open with your sexuality? Or is it a secret?:
open with certain people (read: mature and openminded people)

3. Who was the 1st person you told that you're a lesbian?:
wow, i cant rmbr...but probably, my first gf??

4. Is your hair short, medium, or long?:
pretty short. im thinking of cutting it again though

5. Would you ever shave your head?:
yeah!

6. Do you own anything with the Gay Rainbow on it?:
lots! =) ive a whole collection of rainbow necklaces, charms, keychains, tees etc. still working on expanding the RAINBOW collection!

7. Do you consider yourself a Stud, Androgynous, or Femme?:
no idea. but probably more soft andro... if there's even sucha thing

8. What type of females are you most attracted to?:
my girlfriend, of course! haha so politcally correct. but there are generally 2 types of girls i like, the andro dyke and the andro femme.. i just love the girly but not too girly, guyish but not guyish kinda feeling.

9. What FAMOUS Lesbian is your favorite?:
ellen degeneres, of course!!! my idol

10. Do you like watching The L Word?:
it's a great show when im in one of my IM-SO-GAY moments

11. What is your favorite lesbian movie?:
too many to count! haha..but probably imagine me and you. it's sucha cheerful lesbian show =))

12. Do you have any Pride tattoo's?, if not, would you ever get one?:
nah. i dont think i'd get a tattoo....

13. Do you go to Gay/Lesbian clubs?:
err...been once. wouldnt mind going again if im with the gf

14. Would you ever be a Drag King? (If you're not already):
lol no! i'd look disgusting!

15. What name would you go by if you did do Drag?:
erm...jess?? is that drag enough?

16. Have you ever been mistaken for a Male?:
nope XD not butch enough

17. Would you ever have a sex change to become a Male?:
definitely not! i dont even LIKE males!

18. How do you feel about Homophobia?:
err...that's like asking, how do u feel about discriminating against others? well, it's shit.

19. How do you feel about Gays/Lesbians having children?:
great! but i dunno if i'll do that....

20. If it were legal, would you marry another Female?:
i would like to...but even if it was legal in the eyes of the law, what about the family? =((

21. What FAMOUS lesbian singer do you like the most?
i have no idea.

22. Have you ever attended a Gay Pride Festival?:
no, but tt's cos we dont have a 'festival' here in stifling singapore for gay pride.

23. Do you wear make-up?
nahh

24. Do you carry a wallet?, or a purse?:
i think mine is a purse. it's just a round thing with a zip..

25. Do you wear Male clothes?:
not really...but male clothes nowadays are looking more and more andro!

26. Do you prefer wearing cologne instead of perfume?:
not really. i dont even like wearing perfume!

27. Do you have several piercings & tattoo's?:
nope. but i wanna get an ear piercing soon!!

28. Do you have a crush on a female celebrity, if so, who?:
yes, ellen dengeneres(more of admiration), sarah shahi (better known as carmen from Lword) and angelina jolie. and tons more actually haha

29. How did your parents handle you telling them about your orientation?:
they dont know about it... but err...i think they'll flip.

30. Do you have more Gay/Lesbian/Bi friends than you do Straight friends?:
sadly, NOOOO!!!! argh.

31. Have you ever been gay bashed?:
yes.

32. Did anyone stop having contact with you after you came out of the closet?:
nahh..like i said, i only come out to mature people.

33. What is your favorite gay/lesbian quote?:
keep the govt outta my bedroom.

34. Do you believe you were born a lesbian?:
more or less...but i also believe my upbringing helped play a role in me realising i was gay and embracing it. there was a short period of time when i was hoping i was straight, or at the very least, bisexual. but ultimately, it wasnt a OK I DECIDE THAT I SHALL BE GAY kinda thing, but an unconscious innate characteristic of myself.

35. Are you proud? Or ashamed of your sexuality?:
actually, if there werent homophobes around i wouldnt need to say im proud to be queer. it's only because there are assholes out there discriminating against GLBTs that now i label myself as a proud queerizen. i mean, me being gay is just something that's part of my nature, part of my personality and character. that's all. but some people obviously fail to realise that.

***

fellow bi/gay/lesbian friends(if i have any....) copy and paste this survey on ur blog if u wanna! have fun taking it =))

``larcenciel

i crave for monopoly!

2007-07-29T14:12:39Z

ehh i have a sudden craving for MONOPOLY!! (and tomyum seaweed)

issit playable with just 2people? then i can force my bro to play with me. haha

``larcenciel

different

2007-07-27T17:50:03Z

I was watching Rihanna's umbrella video then i watched her Unfaithful video and i think im starting to develop a perverted lesbian crush on her! lol. wow, her body is incredible. she looks awesome in short hair...very funky and cool. but she looks so sexy, femme hot with her long curly hair. THAT look absolutely turns me on.

lol...so my gf was right... i think one of my fantasies would consist of a latin american femme XD ehh, think CARMEN from lword. now THAT'S HOT.

but then on the sad side of stuff, that unfaithful song reminded me of....well, me.

Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

some lies i shouldnt and neednt have told.... what can i say now?

``larcenciel

camping trips

2007-07-24T16:30:29Z

Harry potter 7 is out! i cant decide though, whether i should join the craze and buy the book now or wait a little longer for the hype to simmer down and get the book at a much cheaper price. it's not that im not excited abt reading it and finding out what exactly happens next (yes, i do know the basic story courtesy of all sorts of spoilers) im sure reading it in whole would be a much better and nicer experience. anyways, whatever i'll decide next time.

the illustration for the latest book is really ugly though =X

i gotta go now. gonna email my girlfriend then go to bed. SO SO SOOOOOO beat from the camps! plus ive a flu, sore throat and terrible loss of sleep from the camps, freshmen + econs, consecutive! im so glad there isnt any other camp for me tmr... =X

haha.

``larcenciel

larcenciel04 @ 2007-07-14T22:57:00

2007-07-14T15:04:32Z

Im beat! lol seems like everytime i come back from some smu thing i'll complain im tired and all that crap. anyway this time im tired but HAPPY!! =) this cip event/camp thing was really nice. the company was faulous! i enjoyed it tons..especially the last 2 days. prepping for the day itself was the best! of course, the event was a blast. the turnout was alright...although quite a lot of people left halfway...nvm. i was in charge of SOUND! =DDD so so awesome! i learnt how to work the channels and microphones, the different types etc. setting up of some basic audio equipment... yada yada. although i screwed up one of the performances..hey, it's just ONE mistake. not that bad for a first timer right??

i promise the next time i ever do a sound thing like that i wont ever make even one mistake again! =)) hmm...now im considering joining the uni's broadcasting crew! how fun...to control cool, audio gadgets like that and make emcees sound good and performers sound even better! =) hehe.

ok im tired...feel like sleeping. but im gonna talk to girlfriend first before dozing off! i miss my girl tons and tons...and i know she misses me too (im so bhb lol) but nvm, dont wallow in self pity...im looking forward!! FORWARD =))

tmr is the last day of the whole cip event. it's for raising awareness of disabled sports. i gotta run to raise funds tmr! haha...i know...me?running? WTH right?? well, all in the name for community service and fun.

``larcenciel

out of sync

2007-07-06T12:08:21Z

Ahh...HELP! Attack of the Singapore college system STRESS! =X lol. I know, im useless. term hasnt even started proper yet i'm whinning about stress blah blah stress stress. Just matriculation yesterday made me feel so drained! I think it was because I was walking around and trying to process as much information as I could from 1030am to 5pm! =X ughh... it was tough i tell you. I didnt know matri would take THAT long! there was so much to find out about, laptop and networks, how to set it up etc, what camps to sign up for, what welfare organisations/community service projects to do (and start signing up) since in SMU it's required for all students to clock at least 80hours of comm service. attend 1hr talks on comm service and another hour long workshop on, get this, HOW TO USE LIB MATERIALS!! lol. well, it was more of the E-services that the library offered. and WOW, they sure are high tech! so many databases, so many e-resources... they taught us how to search and advised us which database to use and so on. i felt so overwhelmed!

and then, there were peddlers (read: sales people) trying to sell their goods to us. like, the campus card (which i signed up for btw, the cathay discounts were too attractive to pass up lol) laptop offers, im at a loss, fujitsu or acer?? acer is WAYY cheaper than fujitsu btw. It's half a grand cheaper! but too bad there was no sony vaios. other things like laptop insurance (wtff??) i mean i dont know if i even have a proper insurance for myself! but anyway i might get that, since it protects against theft and accidents.

Then i had to make big biggg decisions like what camps to sign up for! in the end i put my name down (confirm) for economics and freshmen camp. couldnt be bothered with the sports or arts camp, lol. im sucha slacker. i think i might go for some cip camp crap whatever shit. I dont know man..i was so disappointed. THERE WERE NO ANIMAL WELFARE BENEFICARIES partnering with smu!! =( so ridiculous. i cant believe it. i might just suggest to the damn cip board. why not take in more welfare organisations?? i mean, theyve got for youths, kids, adults, senior citizens, eurasians, buddhists, christians, malays, indians THEY DONT HAVE ANIMALS?? -_- DISCRIMINATION!

eh and they didnt have any gay organisations either! lol. the closest was a CLUB RAINBOW but that;s the name of a childrens' society. i was tricked!

alright. i shall stop talking nonsense. BYEBYE. im off. my girlfriend is flying back to melbourne on monday!! =(( EVERYONE TAKE PITY ON ME PLEASE. ARGH.

``larcenciel

so LESBIAN

2007-06-29T07:37:23Z

Last night was pretty cool. gf and i went to a lesbian club for the first time. it was rather intimidating at first....with all the butches, especially. but it was fun watching as well. at least there arent any hetereos making out or anything. it was quite sexy actually, with girls making out in one corner lol. i know, im a perv.

anyway we only went because she brought a good friend who used to frequent lesbo places alot (if not for tt friend, we'll never pluck the courage to go haha) i guess it turns people off after a while. i cant say i didnt enjoy myself, but i cant say it's my thing either. the smoke was terrible, but not murderous. the people were....well, lesbians...so it wasnt so bad. i cant imagine being surrounded by males and females all over each other! =X im sorry, im sucha lesbo like that.

oh we got lucky last night, they were having some androhunt semi finals. even though all the bungs looked alike (think ah beng butch spikey hair + shane dressing style) the last one was really pretty. she had pretty eyebrows and nice eyes. but her hair and dress sense were more butch. i hope she wins, even though her name is so lame. dont even ask what it is.

anyway, christabel if u read this, I DONT CLUB. last night was the FIRST time. just happened to meet u there...haha. have fun in e states anyways. keep safe though, dont want any madman gunning u down.

we spent about..1hr plus plus at tt place. then we went to macs to talk and stuff. cabbed home at 2am, she stayed over (oh, surprise surprise) haha... =)) and now she's sitting on the floor infront of my bed reading TIME (bravo!)

it's already the 29th of june...it's just a week and 2days before she's flying off again. shit... i keep telling myself it's not gonna come so soon..but now it's really gonna happen. she's gonna fly back, and i wont be seeing her for the next 5months or so. ARGH. SHANT THINK ABOUT IT.

cherishing these few days would be better than sulking over the fact that she's gonna leave soon...right??

``larcenciel

Icky Things in Life

2007-06-19T01:27:03Z

I'm so bored now... I feel like im in the aimlessly-hitting-on-random-keys-on-the-keyboard, chin-resting-on-one-hand, staring-blankly-into-space kinda mood. it's like the kinda mood im in last year when I cant play WoW during the week due to a sickening reason called JUNIOR COLLEGE...the aimless, goal-less, everything-less mood! =(

to top it off, hives are invading me!! AGAIN!! seriously!! i dont know why!! there's nothing out of the ordinary that ive been eating or doing these days whaat... ARGH. so so soooo annoying. I HATE YOU HIVES. so freaking itchy and gross...cos im imagining strange bugs crawling all over my bed and clothes and whatnot and biting me. thanks to watching oceans 13 AND csi...the latter was genital bugs though... =X UGHH makes me feel itchy just thinking about it! =((

life is so gross! yikes.

i have about 30min to kill before i go for the medical checkup for the matriculation... =X hopefully i wont be one of those 'find out that ive some kinda cancer or disease during a regular checkup' kinda person. meanwhile, i'll go play my PS3. the graphics are too awesome to pass up.

``larcenciel

rainbow, accomplished!

2007-06-12T13:24:06Z

I decided to print a tee (hopefully can get it in vintage wash) that says LITTLE MISS LESBIAN =D LOL. THAT, im sure no one else would have. heh.

so anyways I blew 45bucks on that junk food tee that i wanted to buy since forever. I finally found it (in my size too) in some well-hidden 80stees-based shop snug in far east.

I swear, it looks so so so incredibly awesome. seeing it in reality is so much better than admiring it online. so i tried it on, it fitted perfectly, i got out n handed it to the salesguy and said, by NETS please.

So, rainbows are FREEEEEE people!! yeah. Free love for GLBTs please.

``larcenciel